How to start effective conversations with your employees

It’s a sad fact that people can often identify memorably bad career conversations more easily than effective career conversations. Particularly if one was of significant positive value to them

Like that time at the end of a not particularly glowing performance appraisal when your boss asked you where you wanted to be in 5 years. All you could think was “anywhere but here working for you.” So you just looked at him blankly and you could see in his eyes that he was really frustrated with you. Horrible at the time (thank goodness you don’t work for him anymore!) But when you think about it a bit more you realise that you’ve had many other more positive conversations about your career.

That is the precise reason I ask people in my Career Conversations workshops to think about a career conversation which was of significant positive value to them so we can draw out the characteristics that make them so effective. And the following 13 are ones that come up time and time again.

So for your employees to have positive career conversations that will help them take ownership for their career development, bear these in mind.

Characteristics of Effective Career Conversations

1) Not necessarily with “the boss”

When it comes to who has the most effective career conversations, the consistent view is that it’s not necessarily the boss. The fundamental priority is the person is objective, has the best interests of the individual at heart and has no underlying agenda. And for all those reasons, this makes your career conversations can be difficult for the immediate line manager. Eventually, career conversations do need to take place between employees and their managers but that might be the place to finish rather than start the conversation.

2) Often take place informally

Good career conversations often take place outside any formal management or HR process. Or they may take place in what we might call ‘semi-formal’ settings (such as mentoring discussions, regular progress meetings, follow-up meetings after an appraisal). Although good conversations can take place in formal HR processes such as appraisal, they’re not all that frequent.

3) Sometimes are unplanned

Most meetings where good conversations take place are planned but they can also be spontaneous and unplanned. Valuable conversations with friends and work colleagues, for example, often happen spontaneously.

4) Don’t have to take a long time

Good conversations usually take time, say three-quarters of an hour to an hour. But sometimes a short first conversation is useful as a prelude to setting up a longer meeting. Sometimes a single conversation on its own can be pivotal, but often several conversations are needed to make progress

5) Provide different levels of support at different times

Employees often need career support at defining points like starting a new role, considering a job move (internally or externally) or when they come to the end of a development or training programme. At other times a lighter touch is needed.

6) Focus on who they are, what they want and why

A good career conversation can cut through the noise to help employees focus on where they’re at and reduce unnecessary stress. Discussing how they feel about their current job and career can clarify matters and unload some negative emotions which can get in the way of positive thought and action.

7) Help individuals reflect on experience

Career conversations can help people reflect on what’s important to them in their career – What skills do they like to use? What activities do they enjoy most? What are their values in relation to work? What work environment do they prefer? What people do they enjoy working with?

8) Enable clarity of direction

In an effective career conversation, people will reflect on what their own ambitions really are. In other words, what does success look like for them? Helping them connect their personal values and career wishes ignite their passion and trigger the desire to develop.

9) Develop self-awareness by holding up a mirror

Good career conversations build confidence. They hold up a mirror so individuals reflect on their skills and performance, think about the feedback they’ve received, what their strengths and weaknesses are and how people in the organisation see them. Done well, with a positive focus, that helps them believe in their own ability.

10) Enable a change of perspective

An effective career conversation challenges individuals to think differently. They help individuals challenge the status quo and move out of their comfort zone to consider what opportunities are available to them – in their current role and elsewhere in the organisation?

11) Aid decision making

Quality career conversations help individuals identify and evaluate different alternatives and opportunities, look at the pros and cons and make a decision. Or if not a final decision, at least greater clarity about where they want to go and the development or experience needed to get there.

12) Build networks and organisational understanding

People often need support in navigating the processes and politics of the organisation. Career conversations can help them develop an understanding of how things are done ‘around here’, including both processes and tactics. They can help them decide how to raise their profile and be more visible to key people. And they can help them work out how to crack the system for moving job if that’s what they want to do.

13) End with action

Good conversations usually lead to action. There is a clear focus on the “So what?” What career development strategies can they use to make progress? What actions can they take?. And there’ll also be an agreement on how they’re going to check in and review progress.

These are the key characteristics I’ve identified that make effective career conversations. Wondering how to put them into practice? Click the link below to download a free copy of the ebook It’s Good to Talk! A Practical Guide to Career Conversations in the Workplace.

Confrontation is never pleasant. But as a manager, it’s a crucial part of the job. Sugarcoating or avoiding the problem altogether will only make things worse — not just for your team, but for your employee’s development too.

There are a number of ways to make these conversations less difficult so you and your report can come to effective solutions together. We asked 13 members of Forbes Coaches Council what those best practices are.

Members of Forbes Coaches Council share their insight.

All images courtesy of Forbes Councils members.

1. Don’t Sugarcoat The Message

We often sugarcoat our difficult conversations, which just dulls the message and robs the employee of an opportunity to grow and improve on skills and potential. Instead, share what didn’t work and why, make a clear request on what you’d like the employee to do differently, and get perspective to align on clear next steps. – Aaron Levy, Raise The Bar

2. Use A Simple Formula

People rise or lower to the level of performance that is expected of them. Remove any chance that you might convey limiting beliefs about your employee by using a simple formula. State the facts you observed (and not the story you made up about those facts); state the impacts on the work, other employees, etc., make a clear request and let them know this request is because you see their potential. – Maureen Cunningham, Up Until Now Inc.

3. Create A Feedback Culture

Difficult conversations, whether at home or at work, tend to be avoided because confrontation is not fun. But if we build a culture of feedback, then we can open the door for otherwise challenging conversations to become normative. When organizations embrace this, staff understand that feedback isn’t an attack, but an opportunity for ongoing improvement. – Billy Williams, Archegos

4. Focus On The Betterment Of The Team

Be selfless: In performance conversations, focus on the betterment of the team and remove personal attachments. Be structured: Have a fact-based, considerate, and positive first conversation. Be sure to listen, explain the “why,” and ask for insights. Be sustainable: Instead of being controlling, be collaborative. Allow the employee to help create a positive action plan to improve their performance. – Erin Urban, UPPSolutions, LLC

5. Be Human First

Yes, you’re a manager, and that requires you to ensure work gets done. But before you were a manager, you were a human. Surprise! You still are. Begin a tough conversation with your human side. “I’m noticing gaps in your work. Are you OK?” goes a long way toward discovering real reasons behind lagging performance. Ask and listen like a person, and you’ll learn more than you expected. – Darcy Eikenberg, Red Cape Revolution

6. Establish Trust

Establishing trust with employees before difficult conversations are necessary and it helps to ease these conversations. When in conversation, create a safe environment so that the employee feels free to discuss what is really going on. Remind the employee that it’s your job to help them succeed. Help the employee identify concrete next steps and agree on how you’ll track progress. Keep it short. – Barbara OMalley, Exec Advance

7. Come From A Positive Place

When it comes to having difficult conversations, like giving negative feedback, we tend to obsess over what to say. But more important than the words you choose is how you deliver them. Your energy is everything. Emotions are contagious. So if you’re angry or judgemental, your employee will feel that and not hear your perfectly delivered, constructive feedback. Mind your emotions. – Stella Grizont, WOOPAAH

8. Confront Behaviors, Not Attributions

Before starting the conversation, think about the facts. Think about what a camera would record the person doing; something that you want them to change. Don’t think about your evaluation of it. “You need to improve your performance” will be difficult and unsuccessful, but, “Your last three deliverables were late, what can you do to correct that?” has a much higher success rate. If you can’t name the behavior(s), then you’re not ready to confront. – Bill Gardner, Noetic Outcomes Consulting, LLC

9. Try Empathetic Honesty

It is extremely important to be empathetically honest. Consider why they are acting the way they are or doing the things they are. If possible, find ways to address their wrongdoing without condemning or shaming them. When we meet people where they are at, they will be much more receptive to correction. – Ryan Miller, Ryan James Miller

10. Lean Into The Conversation

Find a private setting where you can confidently focus and lean into the conversation. When giving employees feedback, providing a clear timeline and criteria to improve helps them own their performance. Have a two-way conversation and create space to hear barriers, challenges or additional resources needed to be successful. Offer to stay in contact with regular check-ins to address the steps together. – Meredith Moore Crosby, Leverette Weekes

11. Have Conversations More Often

It’s never easy to share difficult information, but if you’ve developed a rapport with your direct report, it can make the conversation easier. I created a “How I Like to Be Coached” form that I share with new members to learn how they like to communicate and use it to goal set. Set regular one-on-one conversations with each of your team members so communication on a regular basis is less awkward. – Joyel Crawford, Crawford Leadership Strategies, LLC.

12. Care For What They Care About

All employees go to work every day for a specific reason. We all have people in our lives who inspire us to work hard, to wake up early in the morning, endure the rush-hour traffic, deal with our boss and clients, etc. Great managers build strong relationships with their employees on a close, personal and family-oriented level, allowing them to be more effective during difficult conversations. – Nader Mowlaee, Career Recovery Academy

13. Collaborate Instead Of Confront

Rather than telling the employee how to improve performance, ask the employee how they could improve performance. If the employee avoids addressing the real issues, ask further questions that narrow the range of the discussion and actions. It’s always better for the employee to identify the problems and produce the solutions than to be told what the problems and solutions are. – Steven Maranville, Maranville Enterprises