Carer's right to have interests considered

Well yes, we found this to a degree - unsurprisingly my dad always seemed to be the prime concern, but everything seemed to rotate around his needs. We always felt there was an unspoken assumption that we would go along with whatever was best for dad, no matter what the cost was to ourselves as carers. I also think that some social workers have the basic working idea that family carers will always cope, will always be willing to put their own needs second; I also think that this is sometimes a subconcious process with them, as though a family member not being able to cope, or putting themselves first for a bit is in some way something that is not even given any thought to. It's sort of thinking "but he's your dad, and he's ill, so of course, you will be willing to do xyz, why would we think otherwise?"

In your case I think you need to make a firm stand. If you are being asked to do something that you feel is too much, say so - you have the backing of the doctor. I think the social worker needs reminding that no family member is under any obligation to do anything whereas social services are. Moreover, remind them that you are acting as primary carer - your not being a close relative is irrelevent - and that if your own needs aren't given consideration, then your own health will likely fail and/or you won't be able to cope...in which case you won't be able to do the caring and they will have to!

I believe that Social Services always work under the assumption that carers are "coping" unless they are told loud, clear and often that we aren't.

It is by no means in any way "selfish" - you have a right to a life of your own, your own happiness and fulfillment, you are not simply a drudge who exists only to service the needs of a relative. If this doesn't happen, then your own health will suffer, and what will happen then?

For myself I'd pluck up courage and say to the Social Worker "What would happen if I just walked away? Because that's exactly what I feel like doing!". You could also try and enlist the support of your own GP. If you were employed in a paid job and under this level of stress you would be probably be signed off sick - and likely told to resign before you have a nervous breakdown. I sometimes think that advantage is taken over some carers because they know we can't or rather won't "resign".

Social Services almost certainly don't want you to walk away - that would saddle them with the problem - and it could be a very expensive one if they have to provide paid carers to do what you are currently doing.

I agree, probably the first thing to do is to write to the director of the local social services department and express your concerns.